Crossdresser on a Date Wearing a Silk Dress Story Literotica
I've been on this site since I first bought my laptop in high-school back in 2009. Never had I even thought of posting anything, but would like to share something.
In high-school, I wasn't a ladies man. Hit puberty really late actually. Didn't lose my virginity until 19. First girlfriend cheated on me. Started going down a bad path of fighting, selling drugs, etc. My life changed when I went to Israel and touched the Holy Wall. I'm a jew and never took it seriously, always used the typical "I'm spiritual, but not observant". But for some reason, my whole life changed when I touched the Holy Wall in Jerusalem. I felt something I never felt before, tingling sensation throughout my whole body (later I find out what that feeling was). Came to the realization that Israel was my home, and ever since then that has been my focus.
I stopped hanging with the wrong crowd. Ended up moving to Maryland to chase my childhood sweetheart. Was achieving in college. Lost 125 pounds so I could join the IDF. Joined Boxing and MMA, started playing a lot of basketball.
My heart was still hardened. Never really showed emotions. Only a handful of people really know that I'm sensitive and not truly a hardass all the time. That changed when I moved to Israel in 2016.
I was going through a rough breakup the first few months in Israel. A girl I was seeing cheated on me numerous times and really scarred me. Met this new girl, a Dutch girl. She was 18 and I was 23. We would talk everyday and I tried to date her, but she rejected me. Usually I would've stopped talking to a chick because of that, but I liked her and enjoyed her friendship.
2 months into our friendship, I was really feeling down. I burn off steam by playing basketball mostly. I was outside my apartment and she called my phone. I ignored the call, I really wanted time to myself. 5 minutes later, she came out and started shooting hoops with me.
"M" was an 18 year old Dutch girl that was very beautiful, smart and she cared about me. I wasn't really used to having women care about me. She came out to see why I ignored her call and I told her I wasn't in the mood to talk. We ended going up to my apartment and just hanging out and talking. I had 3 other roommates and we all would hang out.
I ended up falling asleep with her next to me on my bed. Woke up in the middle of the night and noticed she was still there next to me. I haven't kissed her yet at this point, not even a hug. I thought maybe she liked me. I was so afraid to make a move when usually I wouldn't be. So I rubbed my nose against hers and she did it back. I kissed her on the forehead and she came closer. Then I thought I'd try to kiss her and she responded well. One of the best moments I've had to be honest was that night.
I had to go to an Army meeting for the weekend and we kissed again before I left. We talked through my whole time there during the event.
About a week later, we went on a walk and she told me she's a virgin and was waiting for marriage. She wanted to have sex with the man she wants to be married to. The next day, she "cut" ties with me. We stayed friends and still talked everyday and hung out. Sometimes we'd end up kissing and she'd leave. About 2 months later in May 2017, we had sex. It was the best that I've ever had. She had the perfect body and I was very attracted to her. Still to this day, I masterbate to her almost every week.
She cut things off again once I left the north and moved to Jerusalem for a bit. I was a bit hurt and really missed her. I had a very strong emotional attachment to her. She came to visit a month later and it was like we weren't apart. We was staying at my place and I offered her my bed. She said we can sleep together. While sitting and talking to some friends, she touched my thigh and I felt a tingling sensation. The same one I felt at the Holy Wall. A vibration of love. That's when I realized I loved her.
We'd hookup and hang for another 2 months, but I fell with multiple injuries. I had a broken wrist, torn rotator cuff, 2 needed surgeries unrelated to those injuries. I was falling apart. The IDF sent me to the States to get my surgeries. I saw her one last time before I left and if I knew that would've been the last time I'd see her and talk to her in person, I would've said a lot more.
I was healing in Israel and she told me things were through between us romantically. I didn't take it serious. She's said it a few times prior. So I thought I'd get her back. I hooked up with an ex and went on a few dates. Didn't really feel that love or connection like I did with M.
I texted M on her birthday, 25th of September. Told her Happy Birthday and sent her kiss emojis. She told me not to send her those emojis. That's when I realized I've lost her.
I broke down. I blew my reentry interview with the Army after my surgeries. They said I was mentally unstable for my Tank unit. I lost all of my leadership accolades. I became very depressed. Thought about her all the time. Tried to talk to her and we'd still talk. It was just different. I had an gut feeling she met someone else. That destroyed me even more. Just the thought. I was hoping I was wrong. So in December, I moved back home to Israel. I stayed with my friend in Jerusalem. My plan was to meet up with M and try to slowly get things back to normal. 2 days into the country, I found out she was hooking up with a peer of mine. It was my close friends roommate.
I fell deeper into my depression. I tried to compress it and move on, go on dates and get moving. It made things worse. I talked to the IDF and they said I could work behind a desk. I lost over 125 pounds to get into active duty. Took me 3 years and now I can't do what I set out to do. Ended up teaching English. I felt everything was falling apart.
I became suicidal and got admitted to a psych ward in Northern Israel. They do things different there. Everyone is bunked together. I was with people that had severe mental issues. Talked to themselves. Dug their hands in the food everyone shared to eat. Found out my grandmother died and my father was locked up in prison (those were the only two people I talked to about my problems).
All I wanted to do was run. To this day, I wish I never left Israel the first time for my surgeries. I've had six surgeries all together and I know I could've lived with the pain. I had a broken wrist and torn rotator cuff for almost a year, I could live with my other pain.
I returned to the US mid 2018. Got readmitted to a mental institution. Got released and became a mechanic. Still played basketball and I got really good. I'm 6'3, 240, was able to grab rim, a hell of a defender, and had a good shot. July 2018, I broke my knee, tore my ACL and MCL. They couldn't get me a surgery day until mid September. I had an outrageous car payment I had to pay and needed to work. I worked on a broken knee and everything for almost 2 months, maybe a bit more doing my mechanic work at Nissan.
I ended up visiting my childhood sweetheart in Maryland. A 5 hour drive isn't too bad, but isn't the easiest on a fucked up knee. We hung out and for the first time ever she showed interest in me. We ended up hooking up on a baseball field late at night. To be honest, I couldn't get off because of my knee. I was lucky to even have a full salute. Made me feel like a stud going at it for 30+ minutes though. I thought she would've made me get over my ex, but she didn't.
I still thought about her everyday. After my surgery in September, I couldn't play ball anymore. I couldnt even Box. Ended up jumping back up to 340-350. Got depressed and felt down because every chick I'd talk to wouldn't be even remotely as attractive or intellectually stimulating as my ex. People have told me I can't compare one to the other, but that's bullshit. I'm not gonna settle for less than what I deserved. That's when I realized that I was 340 pounds and the women I want require a higher status than what I was offering, whether it was money or looks. I didn't have either. I was rehabbing my knee on my parents couch. My pops still in prison and my stepmother barely holding it together at times. Then having to deal with my shit.
2020-2021 was an important year. Religiously became more observant. But my rabbis tried to tell me I wasn't halachically Jewish. That destroyed me. Being told by people you admire that you're not a part of the tribe is damaging. I questioned why G-d would have me feel what I felt at the Holy Wall if I wasn't a jew. Ended up going to California in June 2020 to help my other grandmother that had became paralyzed. My birth mother was her guardian at the time. We had no existing relationship. I had only seen my mother a total of about 4 weeks time since the age of 7 and I had just turned 27. I told her my life story basically. She wanted me to marry this beautiful Russian caretaker that was helping my grandmother.
I considered it actually. All I ever wanted was to get married and have a family of my own. But she was Christian and I was a jew. I tried to do the Christianity thing. Read the new testament. But realized a tiger can't ever change its stripes. My beliefs were cemented and I can't turn away from my experiences I've had. I turned her hand away from Marriage and refocused on Israel for the first time in about a year since my recovery of surgery.
I became overwhelmed with anxiety and fear from the end of 2020 to 2021. Fearful I would fail in Israel. That I wouldn't find a wife. I became depressed and started idolized the thought of suicide again. I got put in cuffs and was readmitted to a psych ward for over 2 weeks. This is when I realized something. No amount of Anxiety meds, Lithium or anti depressants were helping/ever helped or will help me.
I had to try a new method of coping. I had to accept that life actually does hurt sometimes. That life may not be ideal. That everything has happened to lead me to the point I'm at right now. I have to embrace everything I've gone through in my life and accept that I am who I am. I'm an intelligent man, that has a lot of love to give. I'm very loyal and super protective over people I care for. I am very strong physically and I've been through hell mentally. I've broken so many bones and still powered through. I'm not about to kill myself, hell others have tried to take me out and have failed. I'm not going to be my own worst enemy anymore.
Since April 2021, I've been doing well. I have lost about 50 pounds I wanna say roughly (I know it's more, but weigh myself the first of every month). I have been playing basketball all the time and working to save my money to get back home to Israel. I plan on going back by July 2022, but if I have 10-12 grand before that, then I'm leaving. I have more than half already, but want to leave myself plenty of time without rushing myself. Life is much better.
As far as M is concerned, I haven't spoken to her since the night I found out she was hooking up with my close friends friend, December 20th 2017. I still think about her. Instead of it being painful, it's for me to realize that love does indeed exist. That I'll find my wife and all this that I've gone through has had a purpose. No matter how painful the process has been, I do not regret it. I am stronger mentally then I've ever been. Physically stronger than I ever was while I was doing the military (even if I'm a bit heavier).
I doubt anyone is gonna read this whole damn thing and I don't blame you. Everyone's got a story and to be honest mine isn't all too interesting. But, I hope that if you read this last paragraph. Realize that life is worth living. Death isn't the end, it's a tragic way to start a new beginning. Find meaning in life however you can, because everyone belongs somewhere.
Take care
Source: https://motherless.com/search?term=bunk+beds&type=all&range=4&size=0&sort=date
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